Pages

Tuesday 2 June 2015

100wc #35

Normally I  like drugs, not the illegal kind but the doctors ones. But damn I hate seasickness drugs they taste fine but they make your tongue go all tingly. Today I am going on a Great Barrier Reef trip. I was all excited until they told me I could get sick, I hate being sick it gets stuck in your throat and stinks. Ben was a 17 year old boy expected to do well in school, this was his annual break to australia. The rolling of the boat made Ben feel sick, he threw up over his clothes and seat.
Posted by at

1 comment:

  1. Unknown7 June 2015 at 21:41

    Hi Josh,
    Ooh you are so right about that dreadful feeling of being sick - the way it sticks in your throat and no one would argue about the smell! I kinda like your 'damn I hate seasickness drugs' but I think you could have finished that sentence there then begun a new sentence with 'They taste fine, but ........ (always a comma before you use 'but') What do you think?
    A new paragraph would have been good when you switched to third person - clarity for the reader. And because you're a year 8, how about an apostrophe after doctors when you talk about their drugs - doctors' ones.
    Thanks for sharing,
    Jackie (Team 100WC)
    New Plymouth
    New Zealand

    ReplyDelete

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)